Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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