That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
