So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
