I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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