3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize