Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
