how do flat chested girls get laid?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
