I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
