yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
