She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
