i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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