We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
