Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
