My first STD was from a foam party
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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