just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
