hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
