we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
