she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
