I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
