I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
