SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
