she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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