I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
