it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
