How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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