I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
