if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
