I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My breasts were aching with rage.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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