"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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