Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
