Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
