Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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