Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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