No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
