Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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