theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
