sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
