so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
