she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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