come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
