If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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