I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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