Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
