He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
