I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
