Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I believe in your delicious
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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