the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
