I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
