Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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