tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
